A Day In The Life

When I first started this, I had a bunch of little ideas saved up, I wrote a few of them and just saved them as drafts. I would then pop in and just set one as the main for the day and move on about my day. The problem with being a middle aged (gag ack yuck, I know that's what I am but I do not at all feel it) working mom of two boys and a marriage of a decade is that sometimes my life isn't interesting to other people. Scratch that...I don't think other people would find my day-to-day interesting.

Most days Hunter gets up before me (Gatherer is not a terribly big fan of mornings, unless I get to go to Disney...I'll be up at 3a.m. and perky as hell for that shit). He brings me a cup of coffee, I browse through fb, reddit, the local news, and annoy myself with some national/global news while snuggling the dog. I take a shower, talk myself in and out of eating breakfast about 15 times. I go down to where hunter is prepping for the day. Packing up lunches, unloading the dishwasher from the night before, folding a load of laundry, and probably solving world hunger while I'm trying not to have an anxiety attack about a bagel and my weight. I toast the bagel with a side of self loathing and go up to put on my make-up for all the people who won't see me all day and if I have a meeting I put on grown up clothes, if not, I put on workout clothes. I try to do something with my hair, this usually takes half an hour to either dry it or braid it or bun it or threaten to shave it and why the fudgesicles is this so damn hard no one cares but me sweet god just fix your hair already.

Hunter comes upstairs to take his shower during my morning mental breakdown over absolutely nothing. Once I hear the shower water start I go down to remind at least one of the natives to please god eat your breakfast you've been down here an hour stop watching the show and get out of your pjs and get ready for the love of all that is holy. Once everyone is upstairs there is usually the 3000 reminders of take your medicine, brush your teeth, do your mouth wash, don't forget your allergy spray. If its summer there is the shellac of sunscreen to put on my very light skinned will probably need to be checked for skin cancer at age 10 children. Winter is terrifying because there will be coats and shoes and gloves and hats oh my. If I'm done first (hahahahahahahahahaha) I load the car with the backpacks, lunches, and water bottles, I'd say I'm batting about 33% responsible party on this front. Hunter usually has a meeting at 9 or 9:30 so I probably take them to camp about 70%ish. During the school year they are at different elementary schools both with the same drop off time so we divide and conquer. For those of you keeping track, I've managed to do nothing except fuss and panic and it's only 9 a.m. All while Hunter has single-handedly done 80% of the chores.

After drop off I weed through emails, I work on projects, I write reports, I filter data. Honestly after changing careers, I spend most of my day trying to figure out how to do something the best way, do something that should work but isn't, learn a new system, or schedule meetings with people (which as an introvert, meeting with a stranger is horrible, emailing them is terrifying, and calling them is sure to end in death from a heart attack). I usually eat a lunch of left-overs do more of the stuff I did before lunch. I might try to workout a blog post, update instagram and facebook. I then try not to think about all of the snacks sitting about 10 foot away from me. I cave and eat snacks and then feel like a dumbass. I go and look at the 10 lbs I gained eating a bowl of cheesepuffs, and then I go back and work more.

If I didn't workout right after drop-off I pick the natives or a native up from camp/school and go to the gym. Pick up usually involves some level of exasperation, get your stuff, no I don't don't play minecraft so I have no clue what your talking about, I'm sorry you and your friend had a fight about gagaball, what is gaga ball, oh no I don't need a demo, no seriously get your stuff and come on. After getting the natives through the 10 minute process of checking in to kid zone I hop on the treadmill and try not to cry running thinking about the fat around my waist and the fact that I'll never have to worry about my boobs hurting while I run because I don't have any. I work with kettle bells and bands upstairs and try really really hard not to cry because of the 20 something year old behind me with the boobs, and the butt, and the teeennnyyyy tiiinnnnyyy little waist and trust fund and boyfriend that took her on the boat last week it was sooo romantic and that promotion at work where she makes as much as my 40 year old washed up has been ass...and I turn up the music just a little louder so I can't hear her anymore, I'm sure she's nice but The Black Keys are more my mood than her conversation with her gaggle of social friends. They probably all have trust fund boyfriends who call them babe and are woke and into women's rights and all. I go downstairs and lift weights were I have to navigate the all the 20 year old boys lifting a million pounds. At least most of the time they rack their weights (rack your damn weights, serious pet peeve). This gets us to about 6 or 7 at night.

I attempt to retrieve the wild natives from kid zone, there are threats of get your shoes on don't touch your brother, stop whining, stop touching, for pete's sake don't touch the glass on the door use the handle, can you just come on?! I get home and spend the next 10 minutes unloading the bags, lunch boxes, and water bottles. If the dish washer was run at lunch I unload it, I pull out all of the ingredients to start dinner prep. Usually somewhere in this Gatherer takes a call from an ancestor from her native cave (mother, my mother tends to call mid dinner) or replies to snarky texts from her brother or friends (I have friends, I think anyway, people who claim to like me). Dinner can take up to an hour between pre-heating mise-en-place, actual cooking time, and plating time. During this hour, someone or several someone's will ask for a snack and checkout the cooking process and claim they don't like the food. It is inevitable. While I'm cooking I try to remember to prep the coffee for the following day, set aside the dry goods for lunches, keep the cat off the counter (why dude, you know your not supposed to be up here), let the dog in and out and in and out and in, and not get wasted drinking wine/beer while I cook. If I'm lucky I do this without the natives asking me if they can download a game on their distraction device stone tablets or trying to kill each other as natives are want to do. While I'm making dinner, Hunter is again solving world hunger and folding laundry, getting out clothes for tomorrow, probably noticing and taking out the trash I forgot to take out the 20 times I thought I need to take out the trash, doing some sort of task that actually keeps our household running, while I'm still just making dinner. If its an improv/boardmeeting/work late thing the house is in shambles when he returns, I might try to lay out the natives clothes but that's if there is 0 risk of burning down the kitchen. I attempt to clean the kitchen and pack up leftovers as I go. Some nights I am successful, most nights I fail miserably.

By now its 8 or 9 or later, I'm fussing at someone to eat, I'm trying not to fall asleep because there is still a list a mile wide that needs to get done. Once dinner is complete, Hunter again saves the day by cleaning the kitchen and getting out dessert. He usually loads dinner dishes in the dish washer and sets it to run in 2 hours. We eat dessert as a family I usually throw in the dessert dishes and try not to screw up the delayed timer. The natives are sent up to shower, brush teeth, pjs, and read. This process takes up to an hour because they have tiny bodies but need to take 15 minute showers who pays the water bill around here stop dancing in the shower and BRUSH YOUR DAMN TEETH. I'm tired but still don't know what I did all day. We read as a family and the kids are sent to read on their own. Its probably 11. When I was in school I would have gone down to do homework, now I try to read if I haven't passed out. I think about playing whatever game I have in the hopper but can barely hold my eyes open. One of us belatedly thinks about making sure the dog goes out one last time and will wait until she's done acting the fool running around to go to bed.

I usually wake up about 4 or 5 times a night. I'll hear one of the kids talking in their sleep, I'll wake up from a leg cramp where I can't move because of the dog, I'll have a stress dream about a conversation or disagreement with Hunter, a friend, my kids, a relative, someone from work basically any interaction I had during my life, I'll have to pee, or I'm thirsty, or Hunter is snoring. If I have to actually get out of the bed (see pee/thirsty) that means I'm letting the dog out and waiting for her to finish her business before going back to bed. The best sleep I get is usually a solid stretch from about 4:30 to 6:15 when Hunter's first alarm goes off and I start to wonder why I'm just so tired already and the day hasn't even started.

If you've made it this far I was going to write a post about not having inspiration to write lately and ended up whining about how I feel like all I get done in a day is yelling at people and cooking one meal. Writing this post reminded me to start a load of laundry that I will promptly forget to put in the dryer and Hunter will end up folding anyway because he's so much more productive. I don't get enough time with my natives and hunter and I struggle to connect. We have both changed so much in the almost 15 years we known each other, I tell him all the time he didn't sign up for this (while making large sweeping gestures) for my mental health, for my anger, my ineptness, my past and my future. So far he puts up with having a mediocre partner who at best can say "I'm trying". This is my weekly reminder to my friends who secretly tell me "I'm struggling, I don't know how you do it", be kind to yourself. Please be kind to yourself. Because we all struggle, none of us are doing it well or right or perfect. Maybe someone is doing it better than you ( whatever the hell it is) but you're doing it and damned if it ain't enough. We all fail sometimes, but we can absolutely survive that and try again another day. Now go find a friend with anxiety/depression/poor coping skills and tell them they are pretty/hot/smart/fit/funny/kind/brave anything you think will make them feel good and it will make you feel good.