To Be Loved

I finally found a song that hits where I am right now. Adel needs to get out of my head. She gets the brave points, I'm not there but damn if that song doesn't hit home these days. Operation get yourself together is off to a rocky start. Yesterday I managed to lose my temper with the natives and managed to let it eat at me for the rest of the day. I had caved the night before during my regular personal training session by agreeing to go to small group training the next morning. In small group, one of other clients definitely asked if I was okay (I was not, I lied and it was obvious) and trainer even knew it would be better to stay the f away. I full on put in headphones and tried to die. Probably would have been better if I had stayed with doing my own workout so I could zone out, but a promise is a promise and I said I would do the class so I showed up. I know I sorta swear by this training thing, but I'm not sure if I've reached my capacity to learn or if this is just the place where I plateau but I'm starting to feel frustrated with a lack of progress. My biggest accomplishment to date is I benched 100 lbs but only one rep from the bottom position up and if y'all knew how much work it took you'd know there was a reason I'm not exactly bragging about it. It is basically the only social interaction I have with adults these days so I should probably stick with it, but I'm tired, I'm disappointed, and I don't think I've improved in any real way in months. Fasting is going okay, I've set a goal of 13 hours of fasting and I can stick to that fairly well. I'm not doing great about limiting what I'm eating in my non-fasting phase. I spent 30 minutes looking over an oblique routine to try and get my core back up to my standards but the holiday treats and stress drinking are really messing with me. I was chatting with some acquaintances after group training and they looked at me like I was nuts when I said I was battling the festive flab, but I was about 10 lbs lighter over the summer so I know what I'm capable of achieving. The scale is isn't going down at all but I'm working on my patience. One thing that is going really well is my kitchen game. I've really enjoyed preparing the meals we've been having lately. I've cancelled Gobble, too many pre made components and the flavor profiles haven't wowed me. We've been HelloFresh exclusive for a couple of weeks but I've been brave (or stupid) and right before Christmas I should have a box from MarleySpoon. Everything comes late these days (even you Amazon) so I've just accepted that if the order is for Wednesday, I might get it by Friday. I can't remember the last time something I ordered from anywhere arrived on time. Sign of the times and all. Last night I made a Southwest Beef Cavatappi that was rich, bold, smoky and had everyone scraping the bottom of their bowls. Two nights ago was a BBQ pineapple flatbread with pickled onions. I saved the natives the torture of visible poblano peppers (because they made my hands burn cutting them I thought they might be pretty spicy) and definitely didn't make them eat pickled onion (more for meeeee). The Cavatappi had poblanos but the heat seemed lower and mixed with the cream sauce I wasn't really worried about the heat. Natives both ate the flatbreads without much need for threats. Native two ate the toppings and was trying to skip the bread but eventually realized that wasn't the hill he wanted to die upon. I'd probably put the Cavatappi at a galon of milos good and the flat bread at 3 glasses of sweet tea.

The little bro and his boo will be visiting for the holidays and Gatherer is more excited than she should be to have some different opinions of her food. Hunter usually says if he likes it and will recommend changes if he thinks it could be better. Little bro is honest and brutal so I spect y'all will get some detailed commentary soon.